I don't know why I ever both trying to make plans... it isn't like things ever go according to plan for me anyway. SO - I had my Estradiol/E2 level drawn and my ultrasound for my follicles on CD 13 (this past wednesday). That was a bust. My E2 level was a 116 and my two largest follicles were 11MM (one on each ovary). I had a few smaller ones on each ovary as well, ranging from 6 - 9MM. They were "happy" with the thickness of my lining. It was 7MM and they said he cancels a cycle if it's below a 6, so anything above that is good. To me it seems a little on the thin side, but everything else in my cycle was also behind, sooo... I'm starting to think I'm just a late bloomer. I didn't ovulate until CD 19 my first Clomid cycle.
Anyway, given the fact that I was so far behind and my E2 level was so "low" (Although, according to everything I'm reading it was well within normal for where my follicles were and could easily jump up as the follies grow.) my RE cancelled the IUI this cycle. I was advised to use OPK's and have "relations" when I get a positive and two weeks from that, if no period to take a pregnancy test. Call when cycle starts/if I get a positive pregnancy test. I'm not holding my breath on the positive pregnancy test, and I guess I'll call when I start my period, but we're just going to take a break. J will be gone and I really don't want to have to deal with the whole cycle by myself/drive over there on one of his days off before he leaves just to drop off a sample to freeze. What's one month in the grand scheme of this crap anyway?
So... What am I going to do? I'm going to keep busy. I gained 30 - 40lbs after my miscarriage. I completely let it destroy my life in so many ways. I mean, yes, it sucked, but I let myself crawl into a hole for way too long. I ate my feelings, I hardly moved off the couch. I let my OCD clean house turn into a mess and stay that way for MONTHS. I did the bare minimum (because let's face it, even depressed I couldn't stand it to be TOO terrible, but definitely not up to its usual standard. "lived in" is the term most people use.), but that's about it. Between the stress of all of this and a major stressful event at J's work last month, things weren't going the best for us. I say we've been fighting, but that isn't really the right term. Our "fighting" is probably different than it is for other people. I'm not one to hold my feelings in and I can't stand pretending I'm something that I'm not. J is my best friend in the entire world and we both thoroughly enjoy spending every waking moment up each others ass, basically. I hate to be "one of those", but it's true. Example: When I go to the bathroom to poop, J is bad to come in and sit on the side of the tub so he can TALK TO ME WHILE I DROP THE KIDS OFF AT THE POOL. Unsexy? Um, yes. That's not even the half of it. When he takes a shower he either wants me physically in the shower with him, or he leaves the door open and tries to yell and have a conversation. I thoroughly enjoy it, because I thoroughly enjoy him. Some people would probably call it clingy, but I guess we're both clingy. We're both cool with it. Anyway, for the past month or so we were basically just floating through conversations and trying not to kill each other for the time we spent together. It was awful, and neither of us knew how to fix it. We went through this last July when he had some stressful stuff going on at his old job. You'd think we would have been smart enough to recognize it this time and stop it earlier, but we weren't. My point is - we're good now. We had a really, really long conversation and J basically gave me the kick in the ass I needed to get out of my slump. I'm honestly surprised he let me be in it this long, but I also understand why he did. He didn't want to hurt me, but it's really what I needed. The point of all of this rambling is - I have until the first of July when J gets back (because I should be right around ovulation when he returns) to kick my own ass working out. Since starting the Metformin mid-April I've lost almost 20 pounds. That is INSANE. I mean, 20 pounds isn't a lot when you're morbidly obese, but it's definitely a start. My house is also getting back to its usual pristine condition. I'm crawling out of my hole and I will NOT go back.
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