I met with an RE this past Thursday. For anyone who doesn't know what an RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) is, they're essentially an OB-GYN with additional training who specializes in fertility. Despite me being quite nervous, the appointment went well. I'd originally intended to go just because I was incredibly worried I might be having some sort of issue with my reproductive parts (see: ovaries) and they also specialized in pelvic pain, so why not? I had a good idea that fertility treatments would come up, and J and I had discussed it. I was alright with waiting it out for a bit longer naturally, provided everything was "okay" down there. He, however, was not and expressed great interest in doing whatever we could to speed the process along - costly or not. Multiples or not (Twins, please!). I'm getting as impatient as he's BEEN, so I decided to throw caution to the wind and we are starting our very first Clomid cycle!
I'm getting a bit ahead of myself, though. As for the appointment itself, they did your standard stuff. I had a physical, blood work, a pap smear, and a transvaginal ultrasound to check out my uterus and ovaries. The practitioner called my ovaries and uterus "beautiful" and let's just say I nearly came off the table. I was so sure everything was so messed up down there that it caught me by complete surprise that not only did everything appear to be okay, but "beautiful" to boot. The blood work was to test my thyroid, an ovarian cancer/endometriosis screening, as well as a plethora of other hormones. I haven't gotten the results back from that yet, but I'm feeling confident. I'm a little worried about the cancer/endometriosis screening, but the RE said multiple times that he felt like both of those were extremely unlikely, so that helps a little. I know everything else should be able to be fixed somewhat easily if something is a bit off, so I'm alright. I'm also waiting on the results of my pap, but I'm not too awfully concerned there, either. Being worried isn't going to get me anywhere, anyway. I feel very confident that I'm in good hands and we're beyond blessed with excellent healthcare and the financial means to treat an issue, and for that I am so grateful. I go back for an insulin dynamics test on the 22nd... that should be fun. I was given an injection to jump start my next cycle, and once that begins I will start taking the Clomid. Once I get a positive OPK, I go in the next day for a post coital test to ensure that my cervical fluid is hospitable for the swimmers. A week from there, I go back to have my progesterone checked to figure out the quality of my ovulation and whether or not I may need progesterone supplements. As far as the pain goes, he said it was possible my miscarriage was a tubal that self resolved and the scar tissue is giving me trouble. He didn't seem too terribly concerned, so I'm not either. If I'm not pregnant in a few cycles, we'll move towards doing an HSG to check my tubes, but he said given my age and seemingly healthy reproductive system he didn't want to do that unless it seemed necessary. I'm fine with that. J has to do a semen analysis, just to be sure. No point in working on me so much if there's a male factor involved that needs to be addressed. I find that highly doubtful, considering our miscarried pregnancy happened from one time, but you never know and it doesn't hurt to check. It's nearly a two hour drive there, and even with insurance it isn't like these visits are free, but it could certainly be a whole heck of a lot worse.
So this is where we are today. Today was my due date for the baby I lost, and honestly I expected to be in absolute shambles today. Surprisingly, however, I'm not. I've come to terms with it for the most part, and I know that it's highly unlikely that I would have given birth this day anyway. I'm extremely excited to be moving forward and working towards our rainbow baby (babies?). I will never forget my first pregnancy, but I can't change the outcome and the only thing I can do is move forward. I'm really hoping that I won't have to dedicate a whole lot of this blog to the rest of my journey with GETTING pregnant, but that I can talk about BEING pregnant. I know that there are others who have tried so much longer than I have and who have endured so much, but for me eight months feels like a lifetime. We've wanted kids for SO LONG and now that we're in a place to have one, it's so frustrating to not have that. I know that once our baby gets here we'll be SO appreciative of him/her/them and it will all have been worth it. I never thought I would be in this position. I never thought I would be having to involve doctors and paying to get pregnant, but I'm still so thankful that we have the means to do so. Even in an unfortunate situation, there are things to be thankful for.
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